Hello brothers,
I had a profound inner journey this morning. These are the words that I wrote to describe my experience.
I walk down a dark hallway.
The only sound is the strike of my boots on the cold floor.
I'm calm, confident, grounded, kind. I'm wearing my blue suit jacket. I'm the man of today.
I keep walking. The hallway opens into a square room. It's dimly lit. It has no decorations. The construction is so unimportant that I can't make out what the walls and ceiling are made of.
It's dark. But I can see a woman standing in the middle of the room. I don't see her with my eyes. I go to her.
It's Andreya (my ex). I can't make out her face fully, yet it's her.
I step forward in my boots, blazer, and grounded sureness. I embrace her. I pull her head into my chest.
We cry.
I'm not lost in emotion.
After we cry together and the love of the embrace is clear and strong enough, I step back. We hold each others hands while we face each other.
We share a very special moment of understanding, yet never speak.
Once it feels complete, I know there's a door in the back corner of the room. I leave her.
Walking to the door, I push the bar that runs across the center of it. Light floods over me as I step through and leave the dark room behind. I smile as people, my family, people that love me and know me, embrace me and cheer for my return.
This warrior, this soldier, has come home.
But,
he isn't quite finished.
I find myself back in the hallway, heels striking in the darkness. I enter the dark room and there she stands. I embrace her.
But something is different this time. I realize there is something left undone. I expand my awareness to the corners of the room. I find two young children, a boy and a girl, in opposite corners. Alone in the darkness.
I call to them both, "Dillan! Andreya! Come!"
They unfurl from their fetal positions and come running to us. At first they're standing next to us as we all draw close, but then I pick up Dillan and she picks up Andreya.
Everyone is so happy to be reunited.
The children get to be children and steal looks at each other with playful curiosity. They are natural and easy friends.
Andreya and I still hurt, still feel sad. But we have our children now, we have been made whole.
The darkness of the room peels open to the sunlight as we each play with our inner children and rejoice.
We feel like a family.
Everything dissolves.
There is only Light.
And a hand, not yet satisfied, reaching out for more.
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